Returning to Self

Last night I attended the ICCTO (Irish Chamber of Commerce) gathering in Toronto at The Museum of Toronto for a viewing of The 52 - Stories of formidable women who have transformed Toronto.

In meeting fellow countrymen/women I was struck by how many of the room were not, in fact, Irish. Conversation with the ED, led into ‘what is means to be Irish’ and how this evolves as an emigrant. This is a question of many layers for me, and I left at age 18…but I’m Irish through and through. My bones feel it, and over the years my yearning for home has never been stronger.

You you might know from past blogs I’m only 50% Irish in my genes so there’s an added complexity to the question of ‘me’. Consideration of my DNA, inter-generational inheritance and how experiences I never had are part of me, my behaviours and how I operate is intriguing ..and terrifying at times!

This blog post is accompanied by a photo from my maternal Grandfather’s side - on the Beara Peninsula, West Cork.

(Image: My maternal greatgrandparents John Harrington (b 1867) and Kate (neé Stack) with 6 of their 10 children. )

Kate died in childbirth for child number 10 (Agnes). The three youngest, including my grandfather (Patrick) we fostered out of the family with the Stacks in Kerry and there is very little we know about his years away. We do know the eldest in the family (Jerome, standing in the photo) ‘rescued’ Paddy when he was old enough to bring him home - but we will never know the full story.

It has to be mentioned, as it ties in the theme of strong women, Kate Stack was a qualified school teacher, something formidable in itself for the day. She qualified in July 1893 and went on to have 10 children who survived. Her widower husband John married again after the youngest were sent away and I have no information about further children.

While I feel like I’ve learned more about the family, I truly know very little. I do know I dream of their farm called The Grove and feel a pull to visit again soon. In Irish history and mythology the Beara Peninsula has always been of importance - today it’s significance in ancient and contemporary spirituality is globally recognised and the thought of spending time there to soak it all in moves up my list each year.

All this to say I know my art has allowed me to follow a line of enquiry about longing and belonging. Over the past couple of years I collect ideas as I paint - and I feel like they are converging to what I would describe as a feeling of homecoming and a connection to place. I feel a pull from someone/a place that’s familiar and confident.

This ongoing enquiry is one of the things that I look forward to this year. In 2026 my focus is about returning to self, rooting, digging and delving and finding out more about what I carry in the bones of me.